Challenging Gender Roles: Embracing Your Purpose as a Woman
This blog post has been converted into a video.
If you prefer to watch that instead, you can find it here!
The Myth
There’s this myth going around the internet that implies women only have two options in life: live a fulfilled life as a loving wife and mother or be a career-driven women who forgoes idyllic family life and instead chases professional success.
The latter leads to misery, mainly in her late 30s-mid 40s when she is husbandless and childless and her value on the dating market plummets.
This propagation of traditional family life begs the question, “Will she be miserable even if she never wanted a husband and children in the first place?”
Are we to believe that 4 billion women on this great big Earth are only meant to fulfill one role?
That’s the naive, narcissistic thinking of the Alpha males proliferating online spaces, mainly by studs who in addition to putting in long hours at the gym also like sitting around in circles commenting on gender roles.
But what about you?
You’ve always felt different, especially from your relatives. You don’t want the seemingly picturesque family these macho men are selling, you never have.
In fact, you feel guided by divine intelligence. You’re here to do work so important that even entertaining this myth, seems laughable.
So where does that leave you?
My Connection To The Myth
I've been exposed to these videos through YouTube because, as massive as the platform is, they still have a shitty algorithm that prioritizes divisive content. I told myself that I would only watch a few of these videos for research purposes. And I did! I never got angry though, because even though they spoke so much about women, the fact that they focused so much on their societal roles seemed beneath me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fully functioning member of society. I work, I pay my taxes, I clip my toenails…not as often as I should, but in my defense they don’t grow fast. But I digress.
The point is that I’ve always felt different, and not in the “I’m not like other girls” meme type of way. But in the “I know that I’m here to do important work kind of way.” I too always felt very different from my family members. I now believe that I am here to break some familial patterns which is why I feel constrained when imagining myself in societal roles. I have deeper work to do. Since I was a child, I felt that part of that work includes breaking out of poverty.
At first, I thought success looked like someone running their own business. Eventually, through deep personal growth, I evolved past wanting to own a business and went on a journey to uncover my purpose. This journey led me to understand the more far-reaching goal of this whole journey...which is, to leave a legacy behind.
And granted, you can leave a legacy through your family or your business, but that’s not the journey we’re all on. Some of us are on a slightly more solitary journey and what a great journey to be on! To pour your life’s energy into something that is going to outlive you without the interference of others.
Where Do You Fit In?
Have you considered that instead of simply choosing between the mother or the businesswoman that you may simply be purpose-driven and that you’re going wherever that path takes you?
You may not know exactly what your purpose is yet and that is ok. Desire to know it, and you will uncover it. I say uncover because it is not something you can find outside of yourself, but rather something that you already know deep within. You’ll need to do the deep personal work required to access it.
If you've already uncovered your purpose and are looking for community, then stick around!
If you haven't yet uncovered your unique purpose in life then...
Let me talk a bit about timelines here because this is a really important thing to consider when you're on your journey.
Timelines
My friend's boyfriend recently put it to me this way "In every relationship one person is driving and the other person is just along for the ride."
And as much as I agree with this sentiment, I hope and pray that we can attract romantic relationships in which we're both along for the ride--maybe in my metaphor we're on a tandem bike.
I'll have to iron that one out. ;)
First: Purpose Unknown
The point is that initially when you're not certain of your purpose you may find yourself in relationships where you're simply along for the ride on someone else's journey.
Just make sure not to get too swept up in someone else's dreams in this initial phase of the journey.
And if you want one practice you can start today to help figure out your purpose, look for an activity that helps you clear your mind like yoga, meditation or even singing and dancing, for an added energy boost!
Second: Uncover Purpose & Practice
On this part of the journey, you may choose to be single for some time as you get clear about who you are. It's really easy to get swept away when you're in love or to be seduced by low-hanging fruit such as sex.
But if you're serious about living a life driven by YOUR purpose then you'll be more than willing to make this sacrifice and spend a good amount of time alone. This can be a very solitary part of the journey and that's why I encourage you to stick around and build a purpose-driven community with me. So that you are never truly alone!
As you start to uncover your purpose and experiment, you may play around and dabble. But then, people may start to get confused about you and what exactly it is that you do.
You may try to put yourself in a box so that you make sense to other people but that may cause you to feel restricted.
Don't!
Don’t get too caught up on titles, neat little bios, or elevator pitches, just allow yourself to explore and practice your craft.
And if you're wondering how to do this without confusing others or yourself, allow me to share a concept that may help save you time, energy, and stress. I wish someone had shared this with me but I had to learn it the hard way.
Flowers and Seeds
Imagine you've just invited a friend over to see your garden. Would you pull up half-sprouted seedlings from the soil and show them off? No, right?!
So don't do that with your everyday life, and especially, don't do that on the internet.
If you're a seeker then you're constantly exploring new topics, experimenting, dabbling and that's great. It'll keep your mind open and sharp. However, if you share all of this with the world they will become confused about you and you may lose some of your connections.
Instead, water those seeds in private. If you feel so drawn to any of them that you water them consistently and they bloom into a beautiful flower, then you can share it with the world. But if you share each one of your dalliances you may be called "all over the place" and we wouldn't want that!
Three: Practice in Public
Once you've committed to your purpose and you've got some flowers to showcase, you'll need to start practicing in public. That is changing the world's perception of who you are, or pivoting if you had previously been doing something different. And it'll probably be a bit different from what you were doing before otherwise you wouldn't have been on this journey.
The key word here: public. If you're drawn to the message in this post you may lean toward introversion, and introspection, or may even have anti-social tendencies, but at the end of the day our purpose, the work we are meant to do on this Earth, involves other people. If you want to go live in a cabin in the woods that is an option, but that's not the option we're exploring here. So, if you've done the deep work and are ready to come to the surface and shine, then join me and we'll shine together!
I'm sure there are other nuanced sections of the journey. These are just some of the markers you may encounter. I wanted to mention them so that wherever you are on the path you're encouraged to take the next steps forward or if you're further along on the path you can recognize how far you've come.
There's room for everyone in this community regardless of where you are on this road.
It took me years to uncover my purpose and learn all of these lessons firsthand. I share some of these methods here so that you don't have to suffer the way I did.
If you can't tell I'm at the part of my journey where I'm practicing in public. I'm also at the point where I want to build a community. In the past people like us may have been considered spinsters, but it doesn’t have to be like that for those of us who don’t enthusiastically conform to the wife/mother role. We have other options now!
So if you’re looking for a community in which you’re going to be encouraged to be your creative, artistic, free-loving self without the societal pressures of settling down, following a linear path, or living by somebody else’s rules, then join me.
Sign up for my newsletter in which I’ll share stories and tips from my purpose-driven life to help you break free from the societal pressure to conform to pre-determined roles. And comment to let me know where you are on your purpose-driven path.
There's no one way to find your purpose, so I look forward to hearing the unique ways in which you're approaching this very personal journey.
So much love and light to you!
I look forward to connecting with you and building our tribe of fearless, purposeful women!
